Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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