***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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