soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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