i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
