So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
