I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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