Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
