How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
