Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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