I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
