who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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