Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
