I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
