i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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