i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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