Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
