i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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