White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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