I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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