i jhust puked up my retainher.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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