i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
