How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
