What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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