so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
