Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize