we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
