It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
How external is "for external use only"?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
