i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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