she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize