Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
