well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
