you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
