I puked a lego.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
