It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
