Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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