That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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