dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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