Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize