Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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