you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
