I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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