So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
