quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just gargled with NyQuil
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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