You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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