I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize