I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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