I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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