Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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