i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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