So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
