her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We have started to decorate penises.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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