She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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