Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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