we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize