Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
