i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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