for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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