I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
