And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
don't judge my taste in strippers
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
