i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
