Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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