3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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