y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
