I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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