Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
