at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize