She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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