and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
