Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
