im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i've created a new STD.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
