I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
