Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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