my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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