Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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