I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I wish there were birth control emojis
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
