she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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