there's paper in my vomit.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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