I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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