Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think people are normalizing furries
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
