Define "chronic" masturbator.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize