I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
