I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
