idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
