why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
