so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
