alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
