i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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