Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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