so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
