That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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