3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize