ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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