So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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