Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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