Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
