where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My dick has a subreddit
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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