Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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