I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
