it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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