i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
