Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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