Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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