so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
