Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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