We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
