somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
A+ Viking dick
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
